Episode 9: A Man Becomes a Ma'am

Disclaimer: 

The following is based on true events with elements of erotica added. It is intended for adult audiences. Similarities to real individuals is coincidental. Names and likenesses have been changed. Please read at your own risk. 

Table of Contents

Episode 1 - Arrival  Episode 2: He Saw My Penis! 

Episode 3: Bonfire and Beards Episode 4: Darkened Dong

Episode 5: Journey to Forks Episode 6: Lilliana

Episode 7: Dishpit Debauchery Episode 8: A Powerful Curse

Please sit back, relax, and enjoy Episode 9: A Man Becomes a Ma'am

****BEGIN CHAPTER****

"I messed up bad..."

"How so?" I asked

"I just did."

"What do you mean?"

"I just can't seem to do anything right," Clyde replied, hanging his head down. "These people look down on me."

"No...they don't..." I began. I knew I was lying. 

Actually, they do... you are an outsider here. Many of these people are from this area. They grew up here. This is THEIR world. That, or they are a part of a select few who figured out a way to fit in with those who have. You are in a small community. You are from the city. I am, too. We are outsiders and always will be here. Unless you are born in such a place, you will never truly fit in. Small towns are insular places. People like us don't belong in such places and never could hope to. The sooner we accept that, the easier this will all be. 

"Yes, they do," Clyde said. "I can't even crack a fu*king egg right."

"Either can I," I said, smiling.

"You're not a cook. You're a server."

He was right. What a predicament to be in.

"Give them time. Don't try so hard. Just be yourself." 

"I want to, but that scares me," he said. 

"It's scary to just be yourself. I know. But you will never have any sense of true happiness in this life until you do."

"I thought this place was different. I thought they accepted me because they hired a woman with a dick."

Acceptance is not thrown around so easily. They just let you in. That's not the same thing. 

"You call yourself Clyde, but that's a man's name. Are you a woman?"

"I can't use my female name here. They'd tear me apart."

"They would?" I asked. "I think you'll never feel free until you embrace every part of yourself. And if you don't make it here, then it's better to not make it for being yourself rather than not making it and pretending to be someone you're not. You'll find your place, even if it's not here, but don't pretend to be someone you are not."

Clyde thought for a moment, silent. Then he looked up and said, "I want to go by the name Clara. That's who I am. Clara."

"Then tell them. They will accept that. There's other transvestites...I mean transexuals...I mean shemales...I mean ladyboys....I mean transgenders here." I was still learning. Clyde gave me a strange look. I smiled. "You're going to be fine."

"I feel a bit better. Well, I'd better go back to work. Lunch is starting and if there's one thing I'm good at, it's making a burger!"

I smiled because today was the first time I wasn't horny in a long time. I had smudged my penis in the bathroom that morning. Sure, Gorth was angry because I got to the there first and he lost out on some precious shower time. He knocked on the door as the smoke from the $250 black sage enveloped itself around my seven-point-two-inch-when-hard penis. "What is that smell?" he shouted. 

"I don't know," I said, "it must be from downstairs." The bathroom looked like a scene from Cheech and Chong's "Up in Smoke" when I came out. "They may need to send someone up, because it seems that the smoke is coming in the bathroom." I walked out confidently, carrying my lighter and black sage with me. 

"Motherf*cker," Gorth mumbled as I walked out. I had a huge grin on my face and it was be-u-ti-ful beyond words! 

The door slammed a few minutes later, and it was by that slamming that I knew that Gorth didn't have the time he needed for the precious shower that he probably craved. I don't know why it tickled me so, but after his lack of movement in the restaurant, I figured he probably had no sweat to wash off anyway. 

Life was looking good.  Real good. 

But then I remembered that the general manager, Patricia, was looking for me. I had never really talked to her, and from what I knew, she was a pretty serious individual. 

I heard she was deported from Australia for punching a kangaroo 

I worked at two, and it was about time for me to go in when I caught Clara on break. Lunch would be busy today. A large group from Cambodia was coming in. They were a part of a South East Asian Sex Addicts Anonymous group and they had high expectations for the lodge. I imagined that they had chosen the wrong place, given the curse that was placed upon the land. At first I did not believe it, but the black sage had helped a lot. I had even seen a scantly clad woman slither into the mercantile earlier, and such a scene would have had my penis standing at attention, but today it wouldn't even budge. Powerful!

"She punched a motherfuckin' kangaroo right in the fuckin' face man! In the face!" Clyde...I mean Clara, had told me. 

"No way!"

"Way! And now she's looking for you!"

So, yeah. I was a bit afraid. 

I had hoped that this would not affect my shift. I was told that I would get the big table today and I was quite excited at the idea of having a group that was "at least twenty mix-gendered hard-core sex addicts who had crossed the sea for healing." 

Shortly after Clara went back, I made my way across the street and into the restaurant to report for work. 

"Patricia was looking for you," Gorth said, with a huge smile. "I think it's about your little bathtime."

"Oh?" I said, trying to not look as terrified as I felt.

"Yeah, you might want to go find her before your shift starts."

"I just clocked in though. My shift just started."

"Between me and you, you'd better pray for a write up. She's going to go all down under on your ass, if you know what I mean."

The kangaroo!

"Uh, she probably just needs me to massage her bunions or something,"  said, joking.

"She's going to rip you apart," Gorth said. "And after today's little smoke out in the bathroom, I'm totally here for it."

I decided it was best to face the music rather than hear Gorth revel in my impending demise. So I gathered my courage and marched boldly across the street. 

Game over. It was a good run. I finally get this penis problem fixed and all the sudden hell breaks lose. Okay, I can deal with this. There's plenty of jobs out there and I saved enough to find a new one. Besides, it's not like there are no other restaurants in the world. 

"Hey!" Patricia said, smiling at me. She was muscular with short blond hair. She definitely worked out. That poor kangaroo. 

"Hi," I said. I may have been shaking.

"Could you follow me to my office?" She said. I knew I was dead. It was done. I was grave gravy.

I walked down what seemed like a never ending hall. 

"I heard about the dishwasher thing," she said as I shut the door behind me. 

"You did?"

"Yes, and I must say that's really something I don't see a lot of."

"Yeah... I had a really hard morning..."

"That makes it all the more impressive," she said, opening her drawer.

"Well, Gorth had the shower and I had sat in poison ivy and..."

"I have this for you," she said. I expected her to pull out some brass knuckles or a machete. Instead it was a small token.

"Rhonda told me you stepped up and did some dishes and then cleaned up the mess even though you had no idea how to run the machine, and we appreciate it when a server is willing to help in the back of the house. So here's a token of our appreciation."

"Really?" I said. "I thought you..."

She smiled.

"Nevermind," I said.  "Thank you!"

I turned to walk out with a huge grin on my face.

"Oh, one more thing. If you ever need to use a bath, there's one in the suite upstairs. You get a discount on the room. I recommend it. That dish pit sink is a bit small and uncomfortable."

She knew!

Gorth seemed more than perturbed that I came back alive. "What did she want?" He asked. 

"Nothing much. She just wanted to give me this," I said, holding up the token.

He gritted his teeth and quickly folded a napkin. 

Now I could sit back and relax. My penis had been smudged. I wasn't going to be fired. I was actually rewarded, and Gorth was actually doing something. What a day!

But things were not so happy in the back. Diamanta and Clara had got in a little fight over a well done hamburger. 

"The ticket says 'well done' on it," Diamanta said, pointing to the ticket. "And that order was thirty five minutes ago!" she yelled.

The chef was in the back, slathering cream filling into tomorrow's french toast. His ears perked up.

"Thirty five minutes?" he said, stepping onto the line. "For a burger?"

"Well done," Clara said. "But I don't see the ticket."

"It's right here!" Diamanta yelled, pointing. 

"I thought I got that one out...shit," Clara said.

"What's going on? A well done burger shouldn't take thirty five minutes to make," Chef Bill replied.

"I got it," Clara said.

"You obviously don't. Look at these ticket times! This one was forty minutes ago for a kid's mac and cheese!"

"I was getting to that. I'm alone in here."

"You told me you had twenty years of restaurant experience. You can't crack a fu*king egg. You can't run a grill and make macaroni at the same time. Come on! What's going on?"

"I didn't see the ticket sir."

"It's right fu*king in front of you!"

"I see it now sir." 

"Where did that other burger go?"

"I don't know. Maybe Gorth took it."

"Gorth is hosting today," Diamanta said.

"I thought Ivy was hosting," Clara said.

"She is too. They both are."

"Fu*k," Chef Bill said. "I can't do this. I can't. Not today." 

"Sorry sir."

I felt bad for Clara. But I also knew that Diamanta needed that well done burger or her guests were going to ab-so-lu-te-ly freak out. At that moment Ivy walked up to me and informed me that the Cambodian Sex Addicts Anonymous group of twenty two were arriving. 

"Twenty two sex addicts! Wow!"

"The world is full of them," Gorth said, folding a napkin slowly. "I'd know. I sleep next to one." 

I saged my pecker you nasty little creep. How dare you!

I had no time to argue my own sexual insecurities. I had to get my guests some water and greet them.

"Hi, I'm Dmitry. Welcome. Please let me know if you have any questions about our menu."

"I have question," an older Cambodian man said in a thick east Asian accent.

"Yes?"

"You have burger. You have fish. Why small menu. Online you have Salmon bacon sandwich."

"Oh, our online menu has been replaced with a more streamlined menu that the chef has curated in order to offer you the two items that he has perfected over his career."

"Your chef only good at two things?"

"Our dinner menu is bigger. We also have a couple salads."

"We didn't come all the way from Asia for salad," the old man said. "Fine," he added. "Give us a minute."

I made my way to the back of the house while the group deliberated. "The group of twenty two is here," I said.

"Twenty two? F*ck," Clara said. 

"You didn't know about the twenty two top? They are the sex addicts group from Cambodia."

"They are going to want meat," Diamanta said.

"Yeah, that's what they told me," I said. 

After a few minutes I returned to their table. The twenty two had set their menus down and were talking to each other. I noticed that there were three women with the nineteen men. I wondered if these women were thirst traps. It was a good thing that I was not in my former state, as one of the women looked extra yummy. She wore a thin white blouse and her cleavage was out and about so to speak. You could almost make out the outline of her nipple and her camel toe (she was obviously not wearing undergarments), but the sage had protected me from getting aroused by such things. I noticed some of the other guys stealing glances at her from time to time, and I imagined that she was probably going to drive them crazy before this little vacation ended. 

"Are you ready to order?" I asked.

"They nodded."

"Do you think your chef can add bacon to my burger?" the same older man from earlier asked.

"We can. In fact, bacon is really good on the burgers. I recommend it."

"We will all have a burger with bacon and a side salad with ranch."

"All of you?"

They nodded.

"How would you like your burger cooked?"

"On the grill," the older man said. Everyone nodded in agreement. 

"I mean, do you want it medium, well done? somewhere in the middle."

"Well done," the older man said. "All well done."

Shit

"Okay," I said. Twenty two burgers, well done, salads with ranch as the side. Any drinks?"

"Water." 

"Okay, I'll have that out soon." I looked down and noticed one of the men was looking at porn on his phone. 

It wasn't too difficult to enter the order into the computer and send it back to the kitchen. But what was difficult was to hear the fear in Clara's voice when she picked up the ticket. 

"Chef. I am going to need you!" Clara yelled.

"I can't. I can't. I can't."

"You can," I said. "You can do this. Just one thing at a time. They are all the same."

"But there is only room on the grill for 16 burgers and they are all well done."

"What's going on here?" the chef asked.

"Twenty two well done burgers sir."

"That's nothing. Just throw them all on the grill" 

"There's only room for 16 sir."

"I can fit 100 burgers on this thing," the Chef said. "Don't be such a pussy."

"How sir? Isn't that against health code?"

"Don't ask stupid questions, Clyde."

I looked at Clara and mouthed to her, "tell him your name."

"It's Clara, sir."

"What?" the Chef said.

"It's Clara. My name is Clara."

"What the f*ck? We're here to cook."

"Yes sir."

The chef began to stack burgers as close together as they could fit. There's no way he could have fit more than 30.

"Did you cut your dick off too?" Chef Bill said, squeezing meat together.

"No sir. I am a woman now sir," Clara said, with a small hint of confidence in her voice. It was beautiful.

"And I'm a f*ckin' springer spaniel," the chef replied, rolling his eyes. 

"I now identify as Clara. It is who I was born to be. Who I am meant to be."

"We're here to cook!"

"I am cooking, sir."

"We have a ten top walking in!" Gorth said. "I'm going to take this one," he added. 

"Ten?" Clara said.

"Ten," the Chef growled, gritting his teeth. "It's game time!" A 'Satanic' look flashed on his face as he turned the heat up on the grill. 

"We can do this," Clara said. "We got this."

"Of course we got this! I am a trained chef with over thirty years of restaurant experience! I could single handedly handle the kitchen on the Titanic."

"Even if it was sinking?" Clara said, smiling.

"I'll sink you if you don't shut up and cook!" the chef yelled.

"Yes sir."

It was about to get a lot more ugly. You see, Gorth's table was a group of vegans who had some pretty big substitutions that they needed to be made. And the chef loathed substitutions of any kind.

"They want burgers, fish and chips, and salads," Gorth said.

"No problem," the chef said.

"But they are vegan. The burgers with no patties. Can you put the fries in the burgers. Fish and chips with extra chips instead of fish. And two have a tomato allergy, so they are getting the salad..."

"NO SUBSTITUTIONS!" The chef said. "I told you that before!"

"They are vegan!" 

"I don't give a f*ck if they are the president of the United States!"

"Is there a problem here?" a familiar voice echoed. It was Rhonda. "I heard there was some tension in the kitchen. They could hear it at the front desk."

"No, everything is calm as cookies and cream," the chef said, smiling.

"Is it?" Rhonda said. Clara flashed a terrified grin.

"I only answer to Patricia, not to you," the chef said. "Your authority does not extend to me. I am the chef of this establishment, and a chef with over thirty years of experience!" His voice got a lot louder as he spoke. 

"He could cook for the Titanic single handedly," Clara said.

The chef flashed a sadistic look that made Clara wince, regretting what she just said.

"This ship is sinking," Rhonda said. "And it's my job to bring it afloat again, got it?"

"So are we going to serve the vegans?" Gorth asked.

"Yes, we are," Rhonda said. "Enter the order."

***

"That was the worst day of my life," Clara said. 

"But you did amazing, and you stood up to the chef," I said, sitting on one of the uncomfortable break room couches. "It's over now."

"Yes. I'm done here. The chef is going to see to it that I am fired."

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

"Today was a disaster. The chef wanted to kill me. I could see that look in his eye. And did you see the look on his face when Carla told Gorth to enter that vegan order?"

"You made it through. The chef would be like that with anyone. He seems to really like you."

Okay, that was an obvious lie. But there was something about Carla that the chef was drawn to, and I didn't quite understand it yet. 

"He doesn't want me here. He told me that."

"When?"

"After you left. He took me into his office," Clara said.

"What happened?"

"He said that he didn't believe that I had a penis. That I should show him it. That I should let him touch it to see if it was real. I said no. He said yes. I said no sir, you're not touching my penis. He said then you're not going to work here much longer. I said I'd tell Patricia. He said if I did he'd find me and I'd never be able to eat anything without a straw. I'm scared of him. He's a bad man." 

"Wow. That's intense," I said in disbelief. "Are you sure he said all that?"

"Who would lie about such a thing?"

"I'm shocked," I said.

"I am too," Clara said. "I thought this place was different."

"So, what are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I don't know if I'm going to come back."

"You're going to just quit? And let him win?"

"Men like him always win," Clara said.

"They don't have to," I said.

"But they do," Clara replied.

"Not this time," I said. "We can't allow that to happen this time. You got to go to Patricia."

"I don't want to eat through a straw."

"Don't worry. The chef knows he's in a bad place. He's grasping at straws now."

"I don't know. I'll think about it."

"Good. We can do this. I promise."

"Okay..."

I hope that you are enjoying Episode 9. I know this episode probably brought out a lot of feelings. This was a tough time for many of us, and many of the things I forgot about came back when writing this. 

I did see that the Cambodian Sex Addicts Anonymous group left a review on Yelp, so I am posting it here:

We're a group of Cambodian sex addicts who came far for lunch at the lodge. We each ordered a burger with bacon and salad. The burgers were okay. They were not cooked well done. Mine was pink in the middle. I asked for well done. Not happy about the pink, but the bacon was very good. Salad was good too. We liked the ranch dressing. Best ranch dressing we have had ever. Server was nice. Cook came out and asked how our burgers were. We lied and said good. Should have told the truth. 

The meal was good but the ambiance was lacking. We could hear fighting coming from the kitchen the entire time. The chef seems like an angry man. Lots of cussing coming from his mouth. Lots of profanity that doesn't belong in a restaurant. There were also lots of staff but lots of people waiting for tables. One staff member was just sitting there folding napkins the whole time. Not a good look! 

Went to take a dump while waiting for our food. Long wait. Way too long. Bathroom was nice. Good toilet. Big bowl. All fit with one flush. No squat toilet like in Cambodia. Seat could use cushion though. Had a five star poop.

Got back to the restaurant and server still folding napkins. Line at the door. Was going to order dessert but it took so long to get the burgers. Almost an hour. Burgers should not take so long. We made it simple so it would be fast. Menu is so small. We are sex addicts. We are used to bigger menus. We need variety. This is not a place for a sex addict. Good if you only want burgers and fish. Not good if you want chicken or shrimp. Need bigger menu and to also put that server to work. Two stars. 

Establishment Reply

We are glad you came in for lunch. Thank you for your review. We are so happy that you enjoyed the bacon and that your server was friendly. We are happy that the Ranch was to your liking. We make the ranch in-house. 

I am sorry to hear about the burgers being undercooked. We will discuss that with the cooks and fix it going forward. Thank you for bringing it to our attention. We are also sorry about anything you heard from the kitchen. Kitchens can be pretty stressful places, but it does not excuse the chef's choice of language or the volume of his speech.

We are glad to hear that the cook came out to check on you! We care about our guest's satisfaction. Likewise, we are glad to hear that the bathroom was up to your standards. We make sure that our porters keep them extra clean! 

We are working on lowering the time it takes for food to be finished. While we prefer quality over quickness, we do acknowledge that an hour is excessive. If you come in for dessert, please know that our desserts are finished quickly so that you can enjoy them right away. We were very happy to serve the Cambodian Sex Addicts Anonymous group and hope that you come back for another visit to see how we improved.