The following is based on true events with elements of erotica added. It is intended for adult audiences. Similarities to real individuals is coincidental. Names and likenesses have been changed. Please read at your own risk.
Episode 1: https://laycocklodge.blogspot.com/2024/09/arrival-at-rugged-laycock-lodge-episode.html
Episode 2: https://laycocklodge.blogspot.com/2024/09/episode-2-he-saw-my-penis.html
Episode 3: https://laycocklodge.blogspot.com/2024/09/episode-3-bonfire-and-beards.html
***
My room was dark. There were no lights next to my bed and no electrical outlets, either. The only light for me came through a small window by the staircase. So, I decided that I would spend most of my time in a nearby building known as the EDR, which is short for Employee Dining Room.
This room featured a large television, tables, and a kitchen with a soda machine that was out of order. At one time I was told employee meals were served at a buffet in the room, but now the buffet equipment sat lonely and unused. There was a microwave and refrigerator for employees to use, as well as a laundry room with some washing machines and dryers.
But my reason for being here was to use the computer. My phone had died and I had yet to charge it due to having no working electrical outlet next to my bed. I could have charged it when I slept I suppose, but I wanted to have it close by to use as an alarm clock.
I looked around to make sure I was alone. Being that it was morning, most people were at work in their various departments. The lodge was somewhat large, and there were departments such as housekeeping, administration, front desk, mercantile (which was a small general store that I was told gave free coffee to employees), and the kitchen / restaurant. There were also porters that went around cleaning things up. Domino and Hunter were both porters.
I began to do a Google search. "How to remove beard oil from your penis" I typed. I guess I could have done a more general search, but I imagined that somehow the penis was more porous than other parts of the body. Nothing came up. I realized that it was probably not "beard oil" that I had used, but something else. I forgot what it was, so made my way back to the cabin to find out exactly what I had used.
When I got back, I heard the shower running. Of course it would be, I thought rather annoyed. Juan was now in there and I would have to wait. I stood outside of the door for a moment listening. Then it occured to me that I left the browser open and if anyone went in the break room they would see what I had searched for. Oh no! I ran ran ran back there as fast as my legs could carry me! My heart was racing one hundred and ten miles per hour. If anyone had seen that I was searching for how to remove a black stain from my penis, my reputation here would be trashed! I opened the door and to my sweet relief the room was empty and everything was as I left it. Open on the browser was a list of websites for dying one's dong white using lemon juice and other natural remedies.
Lemon juice? That may work, I realized. Maybe I could get some from the kitchen. I knew they had lemons there that they served with their fish and chips. However, I also heard that the chef jealously guarded them due to the fact that he imported those choice lemons from Italy. For the sake of my murky member, I had no choice but to try.
I made my way across the street to the lodge and popped into the restaurant. It was somewhat busier than usual. I went in and stood by the bar. A sign on the counter stated that it was closed. Gorth had arranged the chairs in a way that blocked anyone from sitting down. Ivy, the hostess, greeted me and asked if I was there to eat. I told her I needed to get a lemon wedge if possible. She replied that she would ask the chef, who was working today. I had yet to meet him and heard how Chef Greg had streamlined the menu from a bulky mess of random items to a few choice selections that would put this restaurant back on the map.
I waited for her, watching the customers filter and in and out of the restaurant. Some looked at me as if they recognized me from the previous day. One smiled. The woman from the beach sat alone at a small table in the bay, which was the main area with big windows facing the ocean. This was the more desirable area for guests, and many requested to be placed by the windows where the views were spectacular, save for a big bush that blocked a part of it.
The woman was wearing white pants and a beautiful blue floral shirt that had a Moroccan vibe to it. Her hair was long and brown and flowed down to her shoulders. She wore metallic blue glasses. She was petite with the right amount of curves to get my attention. She sat with her legs crossed. I could not see her face, but I knew it was her. I realized that I should not fantasize about the guests, and many would come and go, but this woman had got my attention and I found myself dreaming of getting to know her better. Perhaps it was so silly. There was no way I was going to go talk to her.
I watched as Gorth brought her a large plate of the stuffed French toast. She thanked him and turned towards me for a moment. She smiled again. My heart stopped. Was I imagining this? She then took a bite of the French toast and seemed to enjoy it quite a bit. I was reminded of my dream, with the chef furiously milking himself into the mix and gleefully giving it to the cook before scampering to the back to prep more food. Yuck!
At that point, Ivy emerged and said, "Sorry, those lemons are from Italy and he can't give them away. You can order the fish and chips at lunchtime and you'll get one with it."
"I see," I said, disappointed.
"Why do you need a lemon?" she asked.
"It's to...uh...clean something."
"You know we have some lemons for drinks up here, I can just get you one of those."
My eyes lit up.
"Oh, no. We're out of those ones. The chef only ordered the Italian ones," she said after checking. "Would lemon juice work? We have some of that."
"Yes!" I said, feeling a sense of relief.
"Oh, wait. No, we're out of that too," she said, rummaging through the fridge. "No lemonade either."
"I guess I'll wait until lunch and order some fish and chips," I said, annoyed. I looked at the clock. Lunch was in an hour and a half. I would have to muddle about until then. The idea of my johnson being all blackened did not sit well with me. I wanted to get that thing back to its beautiful shade of white ASAP!
"I think I'll go down to the beach," I said. Maybe that gorgeous woman would go back out after she ate. I could only hope.
"I heard there's a dead whale down there, and it stinks," Ivy said.
"Interesting," I thought. Surely the death and decay of a marine mammal would make my predicament seem less dire. I would gladly go look at its languishing corpse and meditate on the moments here so far. My beginning at the lodge had been less than stellar. The chef seemed like a major ass to not relinquish a single lemon for an employee in need. Instead, I had to order fish and chips from the menu for close to $15 (after my employee discount) just to rub a lemon wedge against my member. Ridiculous.
The smell of decaying whale filled the air as I sauntered closer to the beach. It reeked. Down on the sand a lump of flesh stood in the distance. As I got closer I saw hundreds of birds flying overhead. The wind was blowing my direction and made the smell linger in my nostrils. I wanted to vomit at one point. I slowly meandered around the whale, taking in the sight of puss and spine. Baleen was blowing in the wind. It was a melancholy but somewhat beautiful sight. I took my seat on a log upwind and admired it. I had never seen such a creature up close. There was a part of me that wanted to reach out and touch it.
Then a sadness came over me and I felt close to crying. I felt so stupid. But, as I was about to shed a tear, I heard a familiar voice. It was Domino.
"Hey!" he said in an excited voice. "Glad to see you down here!"
"Yeah?" I said. My penis is black though.
"Yeah, I heard about this whale and I was wondering if you could do me a favor."
"What is it?" I said. Beard balm. Gorth's beard balm.
"I want to pee on it, and I want you to take a picture of me doing so."
"Pee on it?" I said.
"Yes, I have pictures of me peeing on things all over the world. I once took a piss on the great pyramid in Egypt, but I've never pee'd on a whale before."
"I guess, but there are a lot of children and families around."
"Nah, besides we'll go around to the back and I'll go on its tail fin. Besides, everyone pees."
"Okay..." I said. The truth was I really didn't want to do it, but I wasn't going to argue. I doubted his penis was black. And I figured it would be good to get on his good side.
"Front desk to Porter," sounded through his radio.
"Porter here, go ahead," Domino said, unzipping his pants. His 8 incher flopped out.
"Cabin twelve needs new sheets," the voice said.
"Taking a quick piss right now and I'll get those ASAP," Domino said, "over."
"Okay, now take the shot now!" Domino said, as a steady stream of urine danced upon the tail of the deceased beast. I felt annoyance at the fact that its corpse was being desecrated in such a way. Sure, its body was also covered in seagull droppings, but this was too much. I handed Domino his phone back and he thanked me before heading back towards the cabins.
I looked at the tail of that once majestic creature for a moment, with Domino's urine shining in the sunlight against it. I had enough. I stood up and walked along the beach for a while before making my way back to the restaurant. Enough time had passed now and soon I would have my fish and chips. There was no sign of the woman, and I realized she was probably leaving after breakfast. So many people did.
After ordering I went to the employee break room and opened the container. A lemon wedge greeted me, covered in cole slaw. A nest of fries laid below one very large portion of beer battered cod. I was here for the lemon, and took it. I closed the lid of my food and left it on the table. I made my way to the employee bathroom and locked the door behind me. I licked the coleslaw from the lemon as I unzipped my pants. My penis, smaller than Dominos but larger than Gorth's stood covered in black beard cream. I squeezed the lemon and watched as the juices dropped upon it. I squeezed every ounce of juice out of that lemon and began to rub it against me. There was barely any difference when it was all said and done. I let out a disappointed sigh and stood in front of the mirror. My penis was still very black. I felt so stupid. No morning orgasm was worth this.
I made my way back to at least enjoy some lunch, but when I got to the table, it was gone. "Where is my food?" I said out loud. A pale skinned, tall man with a long pony tail emerged. It was Hunter.
"The box? I threw that away. I'm a porter. It's my job to throw left boxes and trash away."
"That was my lunch," I said disappointingly.
"Well, next time don't leave it around. It will get tossed," Hunter said without any expression. He didn't seem at all sorry about it.
"Well, is it here in the trash? Where is it?" I said.
"Nah, I took it out. It's in the back of the cart mixed in with all the other stuff."
"You didn't notice that it was still warm?"
"Nah, I don't take time to check if someone is eating or not. I have a lot to do. I'm working now, so if you'll excuse me."
"It was an uneaten order of fish and chips. It cost me $15."
"It's a good thing you get a discount," he said, unmoved. I kind of wanted to strangle the lad.
Not only was my penis still dark black, but now I was hungry and out of an hour's wages. Not only that, but I was irritated at the lack of concern by the porter. If he had just said "I'm really sorry," I would have totally forgiven him. But he didn't give one damn about throwing away a perfectly good piece of cod. What a waste-not only of food, but of the life of a creature. I paid $15 for a stupid lemon wedge that did nothing for me. I was also pissed at the chef, who could have just given me the stupid wedge. How often did the cooks drop those on the floor? How many went bad and were thrown away? I would have took a moldy piece of lemon even. But no, it had to be some expensive Italian lemon that ended up being completely useless.
What a colossal waste of a day off. Would I ever masturbate in that frat house again? HELL NO. I wanted to get out of this place for a bit, clear my mind. I decided that if I was going to feel good about things then I had to get some air and see something different. That's when I realized that the bus to the nearby town of Forks would be arriving within the hour. It only came about four times a day, and now was a good time to explore the place made famous by Stephanie Meyer.
I went back to my room, grabbed my wallet and phone and went to the bus stop. Surely a trip to Forks would be just what I needed to feel better about things before serving the Country Nudists tomorrow.
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